In romance there are both disadvantages and advantages to being nice. First, why do people think “nice guys finish last” ? The “nice guy” is a truly nice guy. Usually, he's saving himself for an ideal girl, wondering why he never gets a chance to meet someone special. While he's wondering when he'll meet that special person, another girl falls in love with him. But Mr. Nice guy doesn't want to be cruel and lead her on. So he acts nice to her and becomes a friend or an acquaintance instead of a boyfriend.
No problem, right?
Wrong. Remember last chapter’s trade up theory? Guys in relationships (even relationships that are a sham) are desired by women more and also trusted more than single guys are. Men without girlfriends aren't trusted and are suspected of ulterior motives, desperation, emotional hang-ups, or a predatory sexual agenda.
Most lonely men are nice. First of all, they work and they study hard. The schedule is tough and there aren't many girls in the work place or classes, so they rarely meet women. In addition, these men are far too nice to trade up-- because it involves exploiting so-called girlfriends and getting rid of them when it is convenient. Nice guys are too moral to do this. Finally, they are too honest to pretend to be someone whom they aren't in order to join the “in” crowd. As a result, they enjoy far less popularity than traders.
Another disadvantage for nice guys is that they would rather meet a girl directly than be unfaithful to a girlfriend and pretend the meetings are innocent of desire. So they can never set up a “safety net” in the case of an impending breakup. Honesty, integrity, and respect for human feelings are precisely the reason why nice guys lose popularity; they can’t play social games.
What about the nice, but homely girl? A boy asks her out, but she says no because she’s saving herself for the right person. No problem, right?
Wrong. Her Mr. Right is busy drooling over a busty brainless babe, and couldn’t care less about girls with nice personality.
In romance, people don't judge you by your qualities. They pre-judge you by other criteria such as beauty or height, and then from this pool of pre-selected people they begin to look at your individual qualities. Often the people who don’t fit the beauty or height criteria simply aren’t considered when it comes time to notice other characteristics.
In a way, each of us has two opposite options. For men, it’s the choice between being a nice guy, an idealist who saves himself for the perfect woman, or being a trade up strategist who uses women as a stepping stone to other, more attractive women. For women, it’s a choice between concentrating on improving personality, character, and education, or concentrating on physical appearance.
Most of us fall somewhere in between these two choices. Most Trader type guys merely deny that they are exploiting people and convince themselves they have learned the wisdom of compromise. They conveniently go out with women they don’t like because the perfect woman is completely unobtainable. And most Nice Guy types are not truly doomed to solitary and unpopular lives because not all girls are attracted to only popular guys. Some girls actually like Mr. Nice Guy. So nice guys actually get a few good chances at romance. By the same line of reasoning, women can concentrate on other attributes besides beauty, and still have time for beauty. So while men can be part nice guy and part trader, women can also be part beauty and part character.
In fact most people have no romantic strategy, attend no charm school, or learn tricks of the trade passed down from older generation to younger. For most people, romance is a trial and error process, with little lessons and tips gleaned from experience along the way. Here are some examples of those tips:
Fourteen surefire lessons you will come across by experience:
1 The only person who appreciates your gifts is the person who is in love with you anyway, without the gifts.
2 “If he takes two steps forward, don’t trust him because he wants something. If he takes two steps back, then he didn’t get what he wanted, so he’s now acting like a jerk.”
3 The competition is always a jerk.
4 If you’re interested in someone, their best friend and confidante secretly has a murderous hatred for you.
5 (Murphy’s Law) On a date, anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
6 Real men don’t make the first move. Women supply the hint. Men supply the specifics.
7 Everything goes wrong on a camping trip.
8 No matter who you are, somebody in the world will have a crush on you, sometime in your life; the hard part is getting yourself to have a crush on them.
9 Flirting does not mean they like you; it means the person’s flirting.
10 The man always apologizes, even if it’s not his fault.
11 When two people break up, the man sees it as sudden and shocking. The woman sees it as a long chain of events ending in a breakup.
12 Men are always interested in the same women as other men are. The rest of the women are backup plans.
13 Women are always interested in the same men as other women are. The rest of the men are backup plans.
14 Older girls consider money first and physical attraction second
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